a lot goes into everything
i want white rice i want my window closed coldness is more bearable than moving i want it to be done now but i haven't gotten myself to start so i buy more things to distract me from what i bought i am the mother and the daughter advising against a hand on the stove touching it anyways because i can't know for sure until i feel how it hurts what do you do when what you love becomes a chore? where do you go when nothing feels good anymore? i hope the colors i have lost flow vibrantly through someone else and when they are all used up they might give them back to let me try again i don't see so clearly anymore vivid hues swapped for muted tones the shower is always too hot or cold balance is further than it used to be i hope all my forgotten thoughts make their way safely back to my head or spark brightly in someone else's while i mourn my poor memory an entire life spent trying to remember all that was left yesterday and 13 years ago offering too much attention to my ceiling and not enough to the world beyond it
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October 2023
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