i was early to take my first breath
i've been late to everything since i get lost at least once a day but i am still ambitious teach me anything you think i need but i will only retain what i want to remember my cynicism applies to me, too but that doesn't make me any better self-awareness is a heavy weight at an even higher price when you direct those pretty words toward me i will question why you're being nice when you think you've collected them all a new edition hits the shelves when you think you've learned everything a new perspective presents itself the line between too much and not enough thins out by the day i am above or i am below sometimes both the same but i am never on the line and never in tune with time once i get myself to make my way they've moved on to something newer the clearance continues to narrow and i knew i should have acted sooner but maybe that's just the pressure from being a conditioned consumer good and bad hold no meaning when faced with predestiny am i expending my time correctly or is time expending me? take whatever you desire whatever you deem necessary pour some water on the fire but alleviation is only temporary i will never have the upper hand when i am a dot on the satellite i will never have full control when everything is out of sight maybe i should increase my speed so i can see what they see maybe i should slow down now before life falls behind me the stars seem to be the only constant don't they grow tired of shining? it starts and ends in a hospital bed but do i really get to choose what happens in between? i cannot be anybody's everything when i am everybody's anything i'm up and i want to see it all does that make me self-seeking my sun rises far quicker than it sets my life begins and ends over and over again the line between superstition and intuition has not reached me with lucidity am i outsmarting my brain or is my brain outsmarting me? there is no sense of balance there is no song of harmony so i'll split myself into two and hold hands with polarity
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i used to have a photographic memory
now i can't remember anything it feels like every moment is dwindling and I don't remember what i'm forgetting please don't take it personally if i can't recall the things you have told me i try my hardest to listen carefully but you're competing with thousands of voices screaming is this insanity? or is this just the beginning of my descent? God please look out for me and remind me my life is not over yet clear canvas and i'm starting over though i never wanted to i see you now and i feel you but retroactive interference gets in the way and i won't remember this when it's yesterday days are bleeding into one another and i cannot put spilled water back into the glass next week i will be seven days older and i hope it doesn't come too fast we have no upper hand on transience we have no hold on what's out of our control do i sit back in passivity and watch it all change? or take refuge in my past so i never get old? |
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October 2023
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