feelings of intensity have their downfalls
being overly passionate can be drowning i feel as if i live on two opposites of a spectrum a spectrum of what, i don't know perhaps each and every spectrum of feeling, of being i am never able to make up my mind all i know is that i am not in the middle and i never will be i love, or i hate i feel, or i don't i laugh, or i cry never anything in between nothing about me is certain it's hard to love the person i am when i haven't figured out who she truly is i want to love somebody but i don't think i have the ability to i need to find comfort and clarity within myself first i'm loving myself while simultaneously hating each and every aspect of my being i wish i wasn't so externally hesitant because in my mind, i stand firm what is it that i'm afraid of? maybe not rejection, but moreover being blatantly misunderstood i must find the right words to say frankly i don't know if anything makes sense i don't know if my writing makes sense to anybody because it sure doesn't make much sense to me sometimes i kind of want to run but i also want to sleep i wish i could feel my feet on the middle ground
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October 2023
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