my fleeting mind cannot be eased by the sweetest lullaby
yarn tangled too tightly to loosen the knots through and through yet seemingly never out i search far and wide to find some sort of beauty in unpredictability but what's beautiful about overestimations and unfulfilled expectations? what's beautiful about letting my guard down just to have to fortify it even harder? i'm always catching myself being caught off-guard i must be ignorant to internalizing patterns unconscious assimilation of my surroundings long sailed away and too late to target now an inactivation of something that needs to be expressed at the hands of involuntary methylation equilibrium cannot be met at this exponential of a rate go with the flow just like i was programmed to do and embrace the unrelenting fluctuations in frequency should i be taking on an active or passive role? perhaps both of them simultaneously i want others to feel me but not just because i told them to i want others to feel me the way i intended working against slim odds of desired reception working in my favor for better or for worse, it's out of my control
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it's over and it will take time
destined for disaster i have tried my hardest for you postpone the pursuit of soul-searching all of the omens in my path beg me to turn around but it's too late to go back now i know the destination won't be worth it but maybe it will teach me something i set myself up, but is it my fault? majority of times, the anticipation is better than the event itself and i prove that to myself over and over everything is often in vain, but at least it keeps me moving forward the people i dragged through my dark days never deserved it they knew too much of me then i don't think i knew me then woke up this morning with last night's love
present shakes hands with past put out the fire fast say goodbye, no need to make it last move on with your daily tasks they aren't going away the way your mind is far removed with no intention of return come back tomorrow if you can cycle onward with a cynical mind holding you back from feeling at home but you couldn't place your finger on home if you tried it's time to pencil out a new map and conquer its land carry out and compass and tomorrow, if you can, come back family reunion
"have you lost some weight?" never tried to do it "go fill up your plate" i'm trying to carry myself well two new tattoos covered up, can't tell i just want to make them proud overcompensate, can't shut my mouth now don't appear concerning "oh yes, my health is great" tripped over all my words from staying up too late sweeten my words so they think i'm good don't cause concern smile like i should close the door behind me stare at my own eyes shaking hands, don't cry please postpone my dark demise woe is me, i didn't get my way again
but that's not the issue at hand this time one wall apart and i'm cold on the couch you're a world away and your door is locked what switched? is it something i did? what's this? is it someone i should've been? have your way but it comes at a price you'll never have to pay (no follow through action without intention no boundaries placed it feels unfinished) walk away from the spot you unreserved i wish that i could stay but i've been replaced by her 100 miles away At 100 miles per hour drove down a one-way and i can't turn around what switched? did you know from the beginning? i miss when i thought i had a clear image dance in bliss am i this easy to forget? good morning, i'm afraid it's way too late swallow words i don't have energy to say (for i give in too easily in forgiving i forget what i was supposed to be forgetting) |
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October 2023
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