maybe bitterness is better than breaking down
but nobody’s counting & i’m the one losing time staying home obsessively pulling red string for a vague answer but conclusions are killing me slowly and he will end my life faster then it’s all too much and my neck is strangled by an invisible hand that belongs to someone between the both of us this new routine is unhealthy can’t be cured with company checking in compulsively to avoid the mind i was left with to reject the state i was put in picking up things and putting them out of place gaining space and losing shape returning to the driver’s seat face to face with who i couldn't be i can't look back and wish i cherished it more i can only see i held it too close and maybe that’s why it hurts so bad prying all my fingers off two unrelated daughters will share the same name because neither of us are letting up i’m let down by what i thought this was let go of my fear of trust disregarded my fear of love broke my own rule got too close didn’t think it'd be out of reach so quickly i was just getting ready to get used to this warming up running late for the show asking rhetorically if i was ready his eyes told me he was already gone static burned a hole in my throat no words could cut through no matter how loud or clear or persuasive i learned love might leave without waiting for me
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October 2023
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